Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Dueling Ban...

This past weekend was a fun one. We spent it in Arlington with our daughter and son-in-law. We did several fun things including playing "Guitar Hero," going to Mount Vernon and seeing the always beautiful cherry blossoms. A per chance incident in Nordstrom followed by the "Guitar Hero" thing brought another strange thought to mind. Let me explain.

While in Nordstrom I had the opportunity to waited on by the most delightful clerk. After deciding on shoes she asked if I needed anything else and I asked about an item sold in hosiery. She said she could help me and we headed over and found what I was looking for. We discussed various models and she said she liked the lower waist model because she was a little thick in the roll area and the item tended to roll. Having the same problem I went with her suggestion and asked her if she ever had "dueling elastic bands." She laughed and said that was a perfect description. I made my purchases and we headed to our next weekend adventure which was "Guitar Hero" with friends of Erica and Geoff. The girls stayed to play the game while the guys headed off on a walking tour of old Alexandria.

All the time I was playing the game or watching it be played I kept thinking about "Dueling Banjos" and "dueling elastic bands." This morning I awoke with the crazy music in my head and visions of waistbands rolling in competing rhythms. One of the great reasons to be retired is not having to wear pantyhose and slip with a dress. Not because the hose or slip can be uncomfortable but because by the end of the day I felt totally discombobulated keeping up with the increasing rhythm of the rolls.

The day starts of well with all layers and their appropriate waistbands in place: panties, pantyhose, slip, and finally dress. The first mistake is when a bathroom trip is required. Not one layer returns to original position and the roll starts. Dadada-da (left side panty), dadada-da (right side pantyhose). Stop, discreetly adjust. Dadada-da (right side panty), dadada-da (left side pantyhose). Stop, discreetly adjust. The rhythm quickens. Dadada-da, dadada-da, dadada-da, dadada-da. By noon the slip is doing slides. Sitting in an afternoon meeting is perfect for one huge symphonic roll. Back at the office blinds are closed and doors locked. Discretion be damned. All bands pulled back up from their now very low position. Awe, that feels better. Pick up the phone and make some calls. While talking I feel a little dadada-da on the right side and then on the left and then on the right and then the on the left and then down in front. With this full orchestration, I hang up the phone, leave the office and head directly home all the while the rolling continues. In my room the rolling has subsided. There are not many more places to go except on the floor and into the hamper which I gladly accommodate. Plunk!!!

Have a great April Fools.

4 comments:

John said...

So, do you have l33t guitar hero skillz?

I can't say I have had much experience with the pantyhose, but I do know a thing or two about boxer shorts...

Alexandra said...

This was hilarious. John and I both read it and got a big kick out of it. I totally know where you are coming from and next time I'm dadada-daing, I'll be giggling thinking about this post.

Terry said...

I used to think about inventing pantyhose that have a post-it note kind of glue on the waistband--something that would stick to your skin, but easily peel cleanly off and then restick as needed! I solved the problem by not wearing them. I still own a few pair but haven't worn them in about 3 years. "Free at last, free at last ... "

Anonymous said...

Carla,
Can't seem to locate your phone number. Call or drop me a line when you get a chance.
Karin Twedt